Breaking the Bottle

Drink soberly to escape our fates,
the cavalry come to strike with haste.
Drunk on insecurity and self pity,
We wash and wash but still remain dirty.
Drain the pain away with each swig,
foolish wills snapped in half like a twig.
Each shot stings less than the last,
but comes with a solemn reminder of the past.
Playing pretend in this world all too real;
Numb to all emotion, too cold to feel.
Eyes growing ever heavy,
Tears filling the dry levee.
Our fates have met us at the door,
Stricken down with a loud thunk to the floor.
Opening your eyes, looking up one last time,
the bottle stares back; the only tool of this crime.

Ode to Your Tainted Beauty

When you scream inside and out
the pain washes off your beauty.
You leave life out of the equation
and only worry about selfish propensity.
Searching for your hero,
but what you missed is the villains shadow you cast.
Deserving of nothing but sadness,
trusting in your emptiness to keep you sane.
Love, love, love; oh you silly child.
Love never comes to the inherently wicked.
You talk of excuse and innocence,
the makeup won't cover this up though my dear.
Constantly running through my head,
this black abyss you have put me in.
No matter what you say,
loneliness is the only thing that accompanies your "love".
Bathing in tears,
the screams continue.
This is an ode to your tainted beauty,
lest you forget who you truly are.

Bar Poetry: Haiku Edition

Windswept Parchment

Petals flowing softly,
ink fills the parchment;
silent songs release.

Mossy Graves

Splintering oaks reside,
heroic graves stand still.
Flowers wither.

Wanderers Way

Trails to nowhere collide.
The dead's regrowth,
gnarled souls rejoice.

Silence of War

Crickets sing in silence,
breeze instrumental.
Blood drenched plains now lone.

Twilight Till Dawn

Tides in serenity,
the hour grows late.
Till light dawns once more.

Doditsu's of Lament

Flow of the Heart-

Water flows like love sincere.
Forget me not my sweet dear.
Broken lives we may now live.
Continuous flow.

Dark Gray Plague-

Copious tears plague thy soul.
Forgotten touch condemns us.
The mind mends slowly with time.
The heart stays dark grey.

Warmth of Summer, Broken Winter Cold-

The leaves fall and brush the ground.
Break under dull, heavy feet.
Flourished love of summer gone.
Hearts as broken leaves.

Crashing Waves-

Meshing spray of lonesome tides.
Waves do crash as tears confide.
The shore afar, as true love.
Water still, souls cry.

Tarnished Lovers

Breaking down the barriers,
of lovers become enemies.
Love of the forsaken,
the flames of hate ablaze.
Drink the fire water.
Tarnished souls awaken.

Breaking down the barriers,
fear controlling our minds.
Eager eyes fall upon the broken,
no longer filled with emotion.
Hatred flows within your gaze.
Tarnished souls awaken.

Breaking down the barriers,
oh how scarred your soul sits.
Falling back to hold yourself upright,
a heart severed controlling your plight.
Tears remain stagnant.
Tarnished souls awaken.

Breaking down the barriers,
the holy man prays for you now.
A lack of guidance diminishes might,
due diligence releasing the light.
Pain reminding us we still feel.
Tarnished souls awaken.

Breaking down the barriers,
the sickness we created laughing now.
You cling at threads,
while I tie the noose.
The tables have turned.
Tarnished souls awaken.

Breaking down the barriers,
everything has changed now.
But a shell we are,
love bled from the soul.
We will both stay waiting.
Our tarnished souls have awakened. 

Trying to Find a Paradise While Looking Through the Lens of a Broken Heart

Have you ever gone for one of those walks at night, out in nowhere-ville suburbia, trying to find the answers to the questions of your life in the clear night sky? The universe seems so big, and you, so insignificant. Who are you to complain about loves lost and past regrets? Who are you at all? Do you belong here, and if so, someone, anyone, anything, let me know why.

Let me tell you something; this is my everyday reality. I'm no one special and am not as unique as I'd like to think I am. I like to think I'm different than everyone else, but through the harshness of time, maturity, and reality, I've found that I'm just trying to get through life with as few scars as possible, just like everyone else. We're all searching for our paradise, our garden, our Heaven, or place in the universe where we fit into the puzzle, just like we were meant to be there all along. This, for someone like me, is almost an unattainable goal, and I'll tell you why.

Have you ever been putting together a cardboard puzzle and found that a piece was bent, cut, broken, misshapen, etc..? That is how I feel constantly as I drift through each day, just trying to function enough to get by and give people the illusion that everything is going to be okay. I'll let you in on a little insider tip: nothing is okay, not one damn thing. Now Kyle, they say, you don't have it all that bad, look at all things you have in your life. To this, I will agree to, to an extent. I do have a good family, a good head on my shoulders, and a good circumstance school and work wise. The problem with all of this though, is that when you feel depressed and forsaken on a daily basis, it all falls to the way side. I'm sure I would be in some deep, dark hell if I didn't have the things that I do have, so don't get me wrong, I do appreciate all of it, and do my best to not let it go unnoticed. My question is, when will it stop being about sheer survival, and become about the pursuit of my own version of what I would consider happiness/paradise on this rock we live on?

Ahh, the morbidity of it all! Am I such a waste of space that I'm destined to live as this depressed shell of a man? I've learned full well that you cannot readily show these kind of emotions to most people, which is why I'm writing on here. I know most people could care less about the things I write in this blog, so I figured, why not pour out my overflowing emotions all over the keyboard.

Anyways, I've said more or less what I wanted to say. I know, none of this was probably interesting to read at all, but I felt like I was going to burst if I didn't do something. Maybe I'll get some inspiration to write something more entertaining later today.

Crazy World

Every moment of weakness comes with it's reasons. Every fault has it's source. Every problem has it's own hard found solution. When you just can't take anymore and when it becomes hard to breathe, the only thing you can do is remember it's a wild world. I'm young, but I've seen a lot of what this world can do to people, and  all I can say is take care of yourself. Life is far too short and far too precious to live in fear, anger, regret, sadness, or depression. I never want to see these people around me sad, and if I could, I would take it all away. Bare the burden on my heart and let everyone be the care free child they would love to be. I'll always keep those moments in my heart. Remember those precious times that make your heart sing, because when your heart splits in two, you'll have nothing left to continue to love except for you.  For those I've hurt, I'm sorry. For those I've made happy, I'm so glad I could be that person for you. For those I've helped recognize love, I hope you never lose it, because it's the most important thing in this world. So when you feel weak, and you cannot take another step, remember those times. The past is not something to regret but to cherish for the lessons it taught you. It's a crazy, fucked up world out there. Don't ever let it get the better of you.