Bar Poetry: Haiku Edition

Windswept Parchment

Petals flowing softly,
ink fills the parchment;
silent songs release.

Mossy Graves

Splintering oaks reside,
heroic graves stand still.
Flowers wither.

Wanderers Way

Trails to nowhere collide.
The dead's regrowth,
gnarled souls rejoice.

Silence of War

Crickets sing in silence,
breeze instrumental.
Blood drenched plains now lone.

Twilight Till Dawn

Tides in serenity,
the hour grows late.
Till light dawns once more.

Doditsu's of Lament

Flow of the Heart-

Water flows like love sincere.
Forget me not my sweet dear.
Broken lives we may now live.
Continuous flow.

Dark Gray Plague-

Copious tears plague thy soul.
Forgotten touch condemns us.
The mind mends slowly with time.
The heart stays dark grey.

Warmth of Summer, Broken Winter Cold-

The leaves fall and brush the ground.
Break under dull, heavy feet.
Flourished love of summer gone.
Hearts as broken leaves.

Crashing Waves-

Meshing spray of lonesome tides.
Waves do crash as tears confide.
The shore afar, as true love.
Water still, souls cry.

Tarnished Lovers

Breaking down the barriers,
of lovers become enemies.
Love of the forsaken,
the flames of hate ablaze.
Drink the fire water.
Tarnished souls awaken.

Breaking down the barriers,
fear controlling our minds.
Eager eyes fall upon the broken,
no longer filled with emotion.
Hatred flows within your gaze.
Tarnished souls awaken.

Breaking down the barriers,
oh how scarred your soul sits.
Falling back to hold yourself upright,
a heart severed controlling your plight.
Tears remain stagnant.
Tarnished souls awaken.

Breaking down the barriers,
the holy man prays for you now.
A lack of guidance diminishes might,
due diligence releasing the light.
Pain reminding us we still feel.
Tarnished souls awaken.

Breaking down the barriers,
the sickness we created laughing now.
You cling at threads,
while I tie the noose.
The tables have turned.
Tarnished souls awaken.

Breaking down the barriers,
everything has changed now.
But a shell we are,
love bled from the soul.
We will both stay waiting.
Our tarnished souls have awakened. 

Trying to Find a Paradise While Looking Through the Lens of a Broken Heart

Have you ever gone for one of those walks at night, out in nowhere-ville suburbia, trying to find the answers to the questions of your life in the clear night sky? The universe seems so big, and you, so insignificant. Who are you to complain about loves lost and past regrets? Who are you at all? Do you belong here, and if so, someone, anyone, anything, let me know why.

Let me tell you something; this is my everyday reality. I'm no one special and am not as unique as I'd like to think I am. I like to think I'm different than everyone else, but through the harshness of time, maturity, and reality, I've found that I'm just trying to get through life with as few scars as possible, just like everyone else. We're all searching for our paradise, our garden, our Heaven, or place in the universe where we fit into the puzzle, just like we were meant to be there all along. This, for someone like me, is almost an unattainable goal, and I'll tell you why.

Have you ever been putting together a cardboard puzzle and found that a piece was bent, cut, broken, misshapen, etc..? That is how I feel constantly as I drift through each day, just trying to function enough to get by and give people the illusion that everything is going to be okay. I'll let you in on a little insider tip: nothing is okay, not one damn thing. Now Kyle, they say, you don't have it all that bad, look at all things you have in your life. To this, I will agree to, to an extent. I do have a good family, a good head on my shoulders, and a good circumstance school and work wise. The problem with all of this though, is that when you feel depressed and forsaken on a daily basis, it all falls to the way side. I'm sure I would be in some deep, dark hell if I didn't have the things that I do have, so don't get me wrong, I do appreciate all of it, and do my best to not let it go unnoticed. My question is, when will it stop being about sheer survival, and become about the pursuit of my own version of what I would consider happiness/paradise on this rock we live on?

Ahh, the morbidity of it all! Am I such a waste of space that I'm destined to live as this depressed shell of a man? I've learned full well that you cannot readily show these kind of emotions to most people, which is why I'm writing on here. I know most people could care less about the things I write in this blog, so I figured, why not pour out my overflowing emotions all over the keyboard.

Anyways, I've said more or less what I wanted to say. I know, none of this was probably interesting to read at all, but I felt like I was going to burst if I didn't do something. Maybe I'll get some inspiration to write something more entertaining later today.

Crazy World

Every moment of weakness comes with it's reasons. Every fault has it's source. Every problem has it's own hard found solution. When you just can't take anymore and when it becomes hard to breathe, the only thing you can do is remember it's a wild world. I'm young, but I've seen a lot of what this world can do to people, and  all I can say is take care of yourself. Life is far too short and far too precious to live in fear, anger, regret, sadness, or depression. I never want to see these people around me sad, and if I could, I would take it all away. Bare the burden on my heart and let everyone be the care free child they would love to be. I'll always keep those moments in my heart. Remember those precious times that make your heart sing, because when your heart splits in two, you'll have nothing left to continue to love except for you.  For those I've hurt, I'm sorry. For those I've made happy, I'm so glad I could be that person for you. For those I've helped recognize love, I hope you never lose it, because it's the most important thing in this world. So when you feel weak, and you cannot take another step, remember those times. The past is not something to regret but to cherish for the lessons it taught you. It's a crazy, fucked up world out there. Don't ever let it get the better of you.

No More Bullshit *Very Explicit*

So I'm writing today to say what the fuck? When the hell did trying to be a good person become a bad thing? I swear, the next person that tells me I'm either too nice or too much of an asshole, I'm going to fucking light on fire. Who is anybody to tell me who I am and what I am? Typically, I think I'm a pretty decent human being. I actually give a flying fuck about other people, and I know this is a big shocker to those of you out there just drifting through this world, but caring used to be important! Since when did going the extra mile for someone make you stupid? You know, it wouldn't be so bad if there was actually some kind of mixture of people out there, but I can't seem to find a God damn difference in 95% of people. Why in this day and age should nice guys have to finish last anymore? Why do women always choose the worst person possible for them and latch on to them like they are fucking gold? It makes no damn sense. There are so many people out there  that would actually give a flying fuck about you and actually love you, yet continually I see this same fucking pattern of ignorance in mating choice. It's time to evolve women, it's time to learn that in this day and age, the jock, and the muscle heads are outdated. I am the future, I am the kind of fucking guy women should be flocking to, I can provide anything, everything, and more. So don't fucking tell me how too damn nice I am, because I will not sit here and take this bullshit anymore. I'm Kyle, and if you don't like it, shove it up your self righteous assholes. Take me for who I am or take me for nothing at all. People tell me to grow the fuck up, well here's me telling you to fuck off, each and every single one of you that think I'm anything less than an amazing person. I am a great person and will not tolerate being told anything else anymore. So if you think I'm too nice, fuck off. If you think I'm an asshole, fuck off. But if you actually want to get to know me and what I'm actually about, I welcome you with open arms and a big heart. 

So there it is people. Obviously this is not targeted at everyone that might happen upon this. I just had to get this shit off my chest. Anyways, I feel better now. 

“The 'not-giving-a-fuck' meter is as far into the red-zone as ever before.”

Cheers mates (those I have after this anyways),


Kyle

Forgiving the Seeminlgy Unforgivable

Man, oh man. The past couple of weeks have been a crazy time in my life. So much has happened, I'm not quite sure I've even fully processed everything. I'm recently finding out the I am a codependent individual, and I had no idea what that even meant before it was explained to me. Ahh, the curve balls life throws at you. Co-dependence from what I've read and talked with others about has quite a bit to do with not necessarily having a problem with someone else, but letting someone's problems change you, warp you. I'm now beginning to understand that my relationship that recently ended a couple of weeks ago had much less to do with anything I did, and much more to do with what I had completely stopped doing for myself. I had substituted taking care of myself for taking care of someone else. I completely forfeited my life in order to try and cater to someone that not only could not be helped by me, but did not want to be helped by me. I just kept thinking to myself though, "oh, if I just try a little harder" or "tomorrow she will understand what I've been saying." Well, low and behold, that time never came, no matter how hard I tried. It was hard to admit to myself, but it wasn't me that had failed. It's wasn't me that had messed up. It wasn't me that broke the camels back. When I finally started accepting what happened was not my fault, I began to think about what had happened and why, but still did not exactly understand. Then I met someone who is an amazing person that opened my eyes to what the truth of the situation really was. I was codependent, because I was sacrificing my own life, my own health, and my own happiness for someone that was never getting any better. So, we both suffered, her because she is mentally unwell, and me because I was trying to hold everything together with no support structure. I hated myself. I wondered why I had no confidence, I wondered why I overate, I wondered why no matter what I did, every day seemed to get worse than the next. It's funny, I always used to look in the mirror and see a monster nobody could ever love, much less myself. Now I look in the mirror and see a person I'm proud of, a person who is capable of anything, a person that is going in the right direction and one day will be exactly where they want to be. I'm definitely anything but perfect, but it feels good to know that every day I learn to love myself more, I'm only bringing myself closer to being with someone that truly loves me. You get what you put out into the world, and I believe if you want to attract positive people in your life, you need to act positive. When I was a kid, I didn't do this and it landed me in a place that I can honestly say now I did not want to be. Luckily, I've learned a valuable lesson and have already begun moving on. I don't feel like a creep anymore just trying to get by. No more putting forth the bare minimum, no more excuses for why I shouldn't do something I enjoy, and certainly no more holding myself back from the people I care about out of some kind of misguided conception that they will reject me for saying or doing certain things. You have to love yourself before you can share that love with someone else, and it's an amazing feeling to see not only my self image improving, but my respect for who I am growing. I will no longer be codependent. I will rely on who I am to be happy, and one day, I know I'll find someone that wants to share that happiness with me in a beautiful, positive way. So, I've forgiven the past and more importantly, myself. In life, it's never about the problems you have, but in how you deal with them. Now is my time to deal with mine in the best way I can.

"Sometimes what you want isn't always what you get, but in the end what you get is so much better than what you wanted."

There you go people, that's my life as of late. Take it for what you will. I'm happy either way.

Kyle